January 2012
1 tag
meet the author.
I found a story that I wrote (AND ILLUSTRATED) when I was 8. The story is called “Jaws Goes to College” and is about a shark named Jaws that wants to go to college. [I wish it was as quaint and cute as it sounds but there are plenty of curveball elements like parents who died before the story, burned down homes (underwater homes, which seems impossible), and a cousin to whom Jaws had...
a poem i wrote in second grade, that i just found.
Note: this is dreadful.
“Honesty” by Justin T. Brown
Honesty is the best policy, It means not to tell a lie. Telling the truth makes you feel good. If you’re honest with a cook, He’ll bake you a pie. Telling a lie can be a real drag, It’ll make you feel bad inside. Instead always tell the truth; You will be filled with pride. If someone asks you a question,...
This is why all you get from studios like Fox is...
People can complain about lack of originality in movies but if nobody is paying to see the rare original release when it does occur… really, isn’t that all the explanation you need? It took 9 months for a non-franchise Fox film to gross over $18M in its opening weekend. So, contrary to Internet comment threads, “originality” really doesn’t seem to be that important to...
that old ebay feeling.
All these things are priced to GO, with prices from $2.99 — TUMBLR KIDS CAN GET JUST ABOUT ANY OF THESE WITH FREE SHIPPING.
I don’t want them taking up any of my space, anymore.
No auction starting at over $15 and no reserves. Most of this stuff is over ten years old. Meaning it’s vintage and therefore, about 6 months away from being hashtagged “swag” on Tumblr and...
1 tag
1 tag
for poops and gigs.
toiling replied to your photo: Well, now we know why we haven’t heard or seen any…
yikes my stomach would definitely jump up to my throat if i saw that
It’s fake. It’s a rubber snake I found in the attic. I placed it there and documented it. But you’re right — if it were real, rest assured there would be no photo taken except of the trail of pee in my wake, as I ran...
it was then that narcissus discovered reflection.
My ten favorite Tweets from myself, from last year (SHUT UP, THIS IS FUN):
If Wil Wheaton and Fred Savage don’t grow up to sound like Richard Dreyfuss and Daniel Stern respectively, then what’s all of this been for?
I’m not going to tell you that you should only put one space after a period but if you put two, you’re wrong and stupid.
Thinking about writing a...
my ten favorite tweets of 2011.
I had this in my Drafts for way too long. These were my ten favorite Tweets from last year, by some of my favorite people. They were chosen not necessarily because I related to/agreed with them but because of a variety of factors (namely, they were written in such a way that they made me laugh quite a bit. (Oh, and there were plenty of other candidates, of course — Kelly Oxford alone had...
1 tag
Will Smith has never hosted Saturday Night Live.
What needs to happen, to get this done?
The only thing I would've been able to contribute...
All that other stuff… not my strongest suits.
jack: i want you on this, lemon. those jokes you wrote for my mitt romney fundraiser? they were top-notch.
liz: those weren't jokes -- that was an appeal for a return to common sense and decency.
jack: ...well, they got big laughs.
tracy: jack donaghy, you are the best. y'know what? i'ma make you a mixtape. you like phil collins?
jack: i've got two ears and a heart, don't i?
1 tag
cot *damn*.
why you should follow me on tumblr:
I’m so far ahead of things, the government has started to ask questions about time travel.
Me on July 16, 2011: Hey guys, laugh at this clip. [0 notes]
The rest of Tumblr, months later: This is so funny! [400 notes]
Me on August 11, 2011: Hey guys, check out Kim Keever. [1 note]
The rest of Tumblr, months later: Have you heard of Kim Keever? [2500+ notes]
Then there’s also things...
the "how have you not seen that?!" marathon.
So, even though I’ve seen a metric fart-ton of movies (some of which I knew I shouldn’t waste time watching, before/during/after I watched them), the list of “movies I’ve never seen” is still quite long and I’m sure some people think I should be embarrassed by these gaps in my cinematic autobiography. But I’m NOT. I’ve seen LOTS of cool things....
5 tags
I just spent about 45 minutes preparing a pretty...
I mainly just think they could’ve still had the nuclear explosion idea and just had Indy in a Raiders-style car-fight with a bunch of Soviet dudes fleeing the area. Indy manages to kick every last one of them off the truck (leaving them to be vaporized) before reaching some sort of bunker or something.
just spent about 90 minutes watching old...
These three segments remain some of my favorite things, in history.
Even Stevphen
Slimming Down with Steve
Produce Pete
And this isn’t Daily Show business but features them both and is unstoppably good:
Waiters Who Are Nauseated by Food
Take that, previously humorless evening.
(Gif via living-saints.)
3 tags
8 tags
You can only complain about the Golden Globes...
Because really, how important/worth getting worked up over is a competition if you can’t even tell me who won this competition just within the last three years?