February 2012
if you lived in reality as you lived on tumblr.
That would mean that, in reality, I would:
follow girls
make hilarious jokes which garner no reaction of any kind
quote and/or reenact moments from popular media that I enjoy
endlessly dissect the minutiae of dozens of subjects about which nobody cares to hear
devote copious amounts of time and energy to creating things about which nobody cares
…wow, that’s actually already the...
I'm done saying "excuse me" when I walk in between...
Plus, an aisle is designed for walking. So really, you should be the one apologizing to me and other passersby for obstructing said walkway.
January 2012
WatchHe’s just a swell fella, isn’t he?
Jurassic Park III is so insultingly dense and...
Almost. The criminally brief appearances of Tyrannosaurus and the raptors remain exciting and phenomenal, if fleeting. And seriously, the choice to devote the screen time generally reserved for these two interesting/popular species (and all other species that people seemed to like, in the first two films) to Spinosaurus was like seeing two of your best friends from high school across a shopping...
this piece makes some salient points about... →
Additionally, Wyman leaves out a few points he probably should’ve addressed. Like Spielberg acknowledging that 1941 didn’t work and using a copy of the film as a literal bomb in an episode of the Spielberg-produced Animaniacs. Or when he said he “failed” on Hook. Seems like a critique of his entire career might bother to consider these two points, especially given...
people dominating other people with a basketball.
Inspired by Blake Griffin’s dunk over Kendrick Perkins tonight (the first one below), I just wanted to compile some recent absurdly ridiculous NBA dunkingtons to marvel at people with superhuman abilities.
Blake Griffin over Kendrick Perkins:
Blake Griffin over Timofey Mozgov and later, Danilo Gallinari:
This one is staggering mainly for how high he is (most clearly visible on the...
well, yet another list has failed when it comes to... →
“If you want me, I’m here. But… you better bring your stuff. ‘Cause I’m ready for you.”
just about everything that i'm selling on eBay is... →
Buy something, help me make room.
okcupid's "brutally honest personality test"...
Here’s what it said about me:
Borefest - ISTJ
27% Extraversion, 47% Intuition, 67% Thinking, 53% Judging
One word. Boring. Sums you up to a tee. You’re responsible, trustworthy, serious and down to earth. Boring. Boring. Boring.
You play by the rules. You follow tradition. You encourage structure.
You insist that EVERYBODY do EVERYTHING by the book. Seriously, is there even an...
if you want me to send you a valentine, sling some...
(Note: I will only stand on your lawn with a boombox during business hours.)
ted: jack, how are you?
jack: ted, amanda -- so nice to see you. this is tracy jordan. ted here is the head of our commercial aviation division.
tracy: you need to hook me up with one of them helicopters.
ted: absolutely. i'd be happy to arrange for you to take a ride.
tracy: oh, i don't wanna get in it. i wanna blow it up and run away from it, in slow-motion.
[ted, jack, and amanda laugh. tracy doesn't understand why.]
ted: pleasure to have met you.
tracy: damn straight! i'm delightful.
how i entertain myself.
I was dropping some donated goods off at the thrift store and upon arrival, learned that there was a scheduled bridge opening in 10 minutes (the bridge is about one-eighth of a mile from the store and clearly visible).
To make it fun, I pretended that I was in an action movie — my objective was to unload everything from the truck (in action movie parlance: I needed to finish the heist, snatch the...
I think I saw Emily Blunt at Walgreens. "So Emily...
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i thought apple was a historically successful...
mikedang replied to your post: please explain this to me.
Same here! But it’s been twice in two years. :(
It’s disgusting is what it is.
getting things done today.
please explain this to me.
Twice in five years, I have had to replace my MacBook Pro power adapter/charger because, due to minimal usage (I never put stress on the connection, I rarely travel with the brick or wrap the cord up — I take care of my things), the internal connection between the cord and the power brick has been rendered ineffective. These chargers cost upwards of $79.00 each. In 1989, I was given a...
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meet the author.
I found a story that I wrote (AND ILLUSTRATED) when I was 8. The story is called “Jaws Goes to College” and is about a shark named Jaws that wants to go to college. [I wish it was as quaint and cute as it sounds but there are plenty of curveball elements like parents who died before the story, burned down homes (underwater homes, which seems impossible), and a cousin to whom Jaws had...
a poem i wrote in second grade, that i just found.
Note: this is dreadful.
“Honesty” by Justin T. Brown
Honesty is the best policy, It means not to tell a lie. Telling the truth makes you feel good. If you’re honest with a cook, He’ll bake you a pie. Telling a lie can be a real drag, It’ll make you feel bad inside. Instead always tell the truth; You will be filled with pride. If someone asks you a question, Always...
This is why all you get from studios like Fox is...
People can complain about lack of originality in movies but if nobody is paying to see the rare original release when it does occur… really, isn’t that all the explanation you need? It took 9 months for a non-franchise Fox film to gross over $18M in its opening weekend. So, contrary to Internet comment threads, “originality” really doesn’t seem to be that important to...
that old ebay feeling.
All these things are priced to GO, with prices from $2.99 — TUMBLR KIDS CAN GET JUST ABOUT ANY OF THESE WITH FREE SHIPPING.
I don’t want them taking up any of my space, anymore.
No auction (except one) starting at over $16 and no reserves. Most of this stuff is over ten years old. Meaning it’s vintage and therefore, about 6 months away from being hashtagged “swag”...
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for poops and gigs.
toiling replied to your photo: Well, now we know why we haven’t heard or seen any…
yikes my stomach would definitely jump up to my throat if i saw that
It’s fake. It’s a rubber snake I found in the attic. I placed it there and documented it. But you’re right — if it were real, rest assured there would be no photo taken except of the trail of pee in my wake, as I ran...
