i think i am therefore i am... i think.
I’m not creative, well-read, or eloquent enough to write about the death of someone I didn’t know personally. But I would be remiss if I didn’t at least acknowledge the passing of the great George Carlin. The thing I’ll remember most about him, aside from his indescribable impact on the world of stand-up comedy, was something I wondered over a year ago. Why didn’t he act more? He was so good in JERSEY GIRL (not to mention DOGMA or BILL AND TED) and I always secretly hoped he’d end up in more movies because it was such a tremendous joy to see him transition from the stage to the screen as well as any comic, ever.
I was way behind on him since I was born almost five years after his most famous routine (that included the “Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television” bit) took over the world and wasn’t first exposed to it/able to appreciate it for another thirteen years. But from then on, I really started to like the idea of someone older than my dad talking “to me” with no hang-ups about vulgarity or honesty — as if I was his friend. The best way to describe him is, I think, to say that George is right up there with Phil Jackson and Harrison Ford as the three most ideal fantasy celebrity grandfathers one could hope for.
Anyway, in a bizarre coincidence, on my way back from Charleston on Friday, I heard Carlin’s “sanctity of life” rant on XM. I’ve always loved it but the uniqueness of hearing it mere days before his death escalated its significance to strangely wonderful levels.
Don’t be giving me all this shit about the sanctity of life. I mean, even if there were such a thing, I don’t think it’s something you can blame on God. No, you know where the sanctity of life came from? We made it up! You know why? Cause we’re alive! Self-interest. Living people have a strong interest in promoting the idea that somehow life is sacred. You don’t see Abbott and Costello running around, talking about this shit, do you? We’re not hearing a whole lot from Mussolini on the subject. What’s the latest from JFK? Not a god damned thing, cause JFK, Mussolini, and Abbott and Costello are fucking dead. They’re fucking dead, and dead people give less than a shit about the sanctity of life. Only living people care about it, so the whole thing grows out of a completely biased point of view. It’s a self-serving, man-made bullshit story. It’s one of these things we tell ourselves so we’ll feel noble. Life is sacred, makes you feel noble.
Well let me ask you this, if everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is going to die, where does the sacred part come in? I’m having trouble with that. Because even with the stuff we preach about the sanctity of life, we don’t practice it.
Rest in peace, sir. The world just got a whole lot more serious (and that is not a very good thing).
Footnote: I always wondered how many blank black t-shirts he went through, in his career. I’ll set the over/under at 5213.
When they part ways at the end of the first movie, Marty tells 1955 George and Lorraine his real name before leaving. Both George and Lorraine are especially taken by this name and we’re supposed to infer that this name (which belonged to a person who was so important in their lives) would explain how they eventually named their son Marty (although I do wonder how they came up with “Marty” in the first place, before the whole wacky going back in time thing).
However, if that’s the case and the reason they liked the name Marty so much was because of that guy they met in 1955 who hooked them up, why would they wait until their third kid (and second son) to finally use the name Marty? Why wasn’t Dave named Marty?
pixarguments.
Yeah, so, I watched every Pixar movie in the last two days. Here’s what I’m thinking:
MONSTERS, INC.: Why do some monsters wear clothes and some do not? I know this occurs in pretty much every cartoon but I expected better from Pixar. This movie rocks, by the way. Most overlooked Pixar movie evz.
A BUG’S LIFE: Why didn’t the ants just have the black widow spider sting and/or ensnare the grasshoppers with her webs, when they arrived? At least take out Hopper! The rest of that gang was clearly just following orders. Take out Hopper and the jig is up. You’re a black widow for Christ’s sake! And you clearly spin webs in the film! Don’t overthink it, ant colony. This movie is also severely overlooked — it is really wonderful; it’s like THREE AMIGOS meets SEVEN SAMURAI but with insects. Righteous.
THE INCREDIBLES: Why did Syndrome feel the need to arrange the Omnidroid attack on the city? If his ultimate goal was to locate/kill every super, “have his fun” playing a hero until he was old, and then sell his inventions… why not just kill every super, fight regular criminals (rather than super robots that you built that can think for themselves) and THEN sell your inventions? I mean, in theory, I get it but why even run the risk? Getting pounded by Mr. Incredible would be one thing but being defeated by your own handiwork is another story completely. Not to mention: why do you even feel the need to take your inventions worldwide? Isn’t having your own tropical volcano island and super awesome jet and phenomenally advanced technology and a hot assistant and your own army of security dudes indication enough that you’re special and having fun already?
TOY STORY: Would this movie have been any different (better/worse) if they had casted any of the other choices for Buzz and Woody? Apparently the #1 choices were Jim Carrey for Buzz and Paul Newman for Woody. Later, they reportedly considered Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, and Billy Crystal for Buzz. I can’t imagine it any other way but a Bill Murray/Paul Newman combination would’ve been fascinating. Also what happened to Andy’s dad? Prison? Dead?
FINDING NEMO: Did you know researchers claim this movie as being one of the most accurate film/television portrayals of a character with amnesia? All it took was some fish and Ellen Degeneres. P.S., “nemo” means “nobody” in Greek. So you just spent 2 hours searching for nobody. Ha! Take that Albert Brooks!
RATATOUILLE: I like the movie but upon subsequent viewings, is it just me or is the fact that the story is literally about people eating food prepared by a sewer rat still a huge hurdle?
CARS: Why wasn’t this movie better? Maybe it was the stunt casting (seriously, Larry the Cable Guy?) or the relatively lame story. But I think the idea of automobiles being living things (the ONLY living things in their world, it should be noted) is harder to jive with, compared to toys coming to life or animals being able to speak. Like, why would a car’s windshield have eyes? Who’s making these cars? Are other cars making cars (like, in a factory or in the bedroom)? Who made the first car? Are they made by humans? It’s weird. It’d be like making a movie about furniture that was alive — in the parlance of a movie where there are humans, I can get the idea of cars (or furniture, as in the case of my just-spontaneously-created-script concept) coming to life or having personalities — like in BEAUTY AND THE BEAST or WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT or whatever. I don’t get it. And I don’t like it all that much. Plus I never was crazy about the title, as stupid as that sounds. The other Pixar titles are no less obvious but I don’t know… I feel like if CARS had been named something less vague, I would’ve warmed up to it more.
TOY STORY 2: Is this the greatest unplanned sequel ever? I think it gets serious consideration. And by “unplanned”, I mean that the filmmakers didn’t expect/plan on doing a sequel while they were working on the first one… not that the sequel was made completely on the fly (although that would be an interesting idea, if someone did make a sequel to a successful movie in a completely improvisational fashion). My biggest diegetic gripe with the film relates to this: realistically, how much money could Al be in line to make, by selling the complete Woody’s Roundup set? The most expensive toy in our world, for comparison, was the original 1963 GI Joe, which sold for $200,000 in auction (Al comments to an airport employee “the contents of that package are worth more than you make in a year”). So let’s assume that he’s selling the entire Roundup gang for $50,000. Fine. But previously, Al balks when he is told how much it will cost to overnight six packages to Japan (roughly the size of a microwave each, somewhere in the 10-20 lb. range per box) which — according to FedEx — would be somewhere in the $600 range, total. You would only be upset with spending that much if it hurt your bottom line but it can’t possibly be the case, here, because even if Al is making my conservative estimate of $50,000 in the deal and we round up the shipping cost to the unlikely $1000, that’s 2% of his total profit! Truthfully, we have no idea how much Al spent in finding and buying Jesse, Old Prospector and Bullseye years ago but we can reasonably assume it probably wasn’t much: only Prospector was mint in his box, Jesse’s flashback shows her being dropped off at a charitable donation station (which suggests Al found her at a thrift store or something), and that Al knew the phone number of “the Toy Fixer” guy by heart (indicating that he probably had gotten at least one of Jesse and Bullseye fixed, meaning he probably bought them damaged and for relatively cheap) and we know definitively that he got Woody for free (he stole him) and that Woody represented “the crown jewel” of the group. Additionally, Al booked a plane ticket to Japan on very short notice (we must figure $2500-$3000). So! Let’s assume he’s put around $5000 into procuring and shipping the figures, plus his plane ticket cost. Now, if you remember the movie, you’ll remember that Al owns Al’s Toy Barn which is a Toys ‘R Us-sized store that advertises frequently on local television and has a huge bit of real estate downtown (he also has an office on the top floor of a 20+ floor skyscraper in the same district which means he’s loaded). The guy clearly has money to throw around and he’s clearly making money with this deal (let’s go with the $50,000 estimate). The question is: why would he be upset with the approximate $600 shipping costs? Only drawback to Toy Story 2: the RC car didn’t factor into it. I loved that car.
Five days ‘til WALL-E midnight showing! (Yeah, that’s right, I said it.)
Also: every 2-disc DVD edition of every Pixar movie is available for $13.99 at Target. At least, they were when I was there on Saturday. Stock up, assholes.
baby loves banjo.
I am the Transporter. I drove 4 hours roundtrip to bring Savannah from the airport to our beach house. I drove 4 hours roundtrip to bring Savannah back to the airport from our beach house. I drove 14 hours roundtrip to bring Molly back home from college. I drove 14 hours to take Molly back to college from home. The biggest difference between me and Jason Statham, however, is that I generally get into a lot more car/gun/martial arts action. If those movies are short on one thing, it’s violent jeopardy. I’m tired of 2 hours of him driving around checking to make sure that he’s got enough gas for the tunnel.
I am Cain from Kung Fu. From June 12 until June 20, here was my itinerary:
- Chesapeake
- Fairfax
- Annapolis
- Fairfax
- Chesapeake
- Corolla
- Chesapeake
- Newport News
- Corolla
- Newport News
- Chesapeake
- Charleston
- Chesapeake
- Charleston
- Chesapeake
I am unemployed. There’s no elaboration, here, I quite simply don’t have a fucking job — although taking my sisters across state lines more than once each does seem to qualify as something relating to “truck driver”… say ”amateur live human cargo courier”?
