Five Thoughts That Could Destroy Five Superhero Franchises.

1. How has nobody figured out Peter Parker = Spider-man, via DNA? Couldn’t the police, or any daft criminal just study the millions of web strands left throughout the city, in the wake of Spidey’s swinging, and make a direct DNA connection? He leaves clues at every single crime scene.

2. How does Clark Kent cut his hair/shave? His cells (which would include his hair follicles) cannot be penetrated by any Earthly element. Even if you figure that Clark’s strength could cut his own cells, there are no scissors or razors or a knife of any kind strong enough to get the job done.Well, hey, maybe Kryptonians don’t grow hair? Wrong. Superman II, people — the Kryptonian villain has hair. Jor-El has shorter hair. There are growth patterns. Superman LIES.

3. How has nobody ever suggested therapy for Bruce Wayne?

4. How does Wolverine get through airport security? Not only is he covered with metal and would, thus, set off every metal detector in a half-mile radius but he must weigh a thousand pounds.

5. How have the Hulk and the Fantastic Four both avoided cancer for all this time? It’s time.