Welcome to Esteban Was Eaten! I’m Justin, I’ll be your guide. If you have no clue as to who I am, go here and learn what a horrible mistake you’ve made by taking your first step into the larger world that is The Internet (yes, I capitalized it).

As for what this place is? Well, I started it in November 2007 after a three-year run elsewhere and… actually, y’know what? Here’s a brief thirteen-item list/synthesis of what you’ll be getting yourself into:

1. I write things; things like why the film MRS. DOUBTFIRE is extremely dated and why sometimes I don’t like going to Rite Aid.
2. I post pictures; pictures I take and pictures I find online.
3. I post links; links to articles or news and cool stuff for sale.
4. I post music; songs that I like and songs that I love. Also: mixtapes.
5. I post videos; videos of things related to me and videos of things that I hope someday, somehow to which I will be related.
6. I post quotes; quotes that are astonishingly dumb and quotes about which I cannot imagine ever not-knowing.
7. I post exchanges; exchanges from sitcoms and exchanges from my life.
8. Star Wars.
9. Natalie Portman.
10. I prefer not to curse and I try to avoid using the word “amazing” at all times.
11. My oldest friend in the world claims that the term defined here accurately encapsulates who I am. I do not believe him.
12. Deconstructive analysis of exceedingly meaningless spheres of society.
13. Lists of things.

Thanks.

jb