Susan Sontag wrote this.
Superfriend Logan rearranged all the things Susan wrote to fit her own life.
And so now here’s my three paragraphs of my preferences. Only a few will cross over with the two previous iterations of this idea because — surprise! — Susan Sontag and I are not terribly similar. Also because writing things like this would be in my “Things I Like” group!
Things I like: dancing by myself, vacuuming, going to the movies, dark-haired girls, ice cold water, basketball, public radio, eating alone, songs written and performed by Mark Hoppus, jumping into a pool, wearing ties, going way too far out of my way to please other people, chicken wings, canvas messenger bags with leather straps and metal buckles, Shakespeare, driving, addressing lingering silences with self-deprecation, packing up items for shipment, air-conditioning, stretching, the smell of newly mown grass, standing, peacoats, making sound effects with my mouth for no reason, flushable baby wipes, Rooney Mara, boxer briefs, doing manual labor while listening to music, blonde-haired girls, cleaning the lint trap in the dryer, dinosaurs, and The Kinks.
Things I dislike: city noise, reality television that offers no genuinely useful information (so, 99% of it), dust, being photographed, the word “tits” (unless it’s spoken by a Brit), merchants who only accept cash, the phrase “white people problems”, how all late night talk shows have their guests sit to the host’s right, concerts held in large venues, Peeps, pants with belt loops being worn without a belt, people who get upset about movie remakes/reboots, visibly or aurally distracting cell phone use in movie theaters, that one part in The Lost World: Jurassic Park where the girl does gymnastics and kicks a dinosaur in the face, people who can’t decide whether to stand up or sit down at sporting events (just PICK ONE), and when episodes of Frasier got too serious/uncomfortable in the latter seasons.
Things I like: writing a lot of words (like this!), Mexican food, desert boots, staying in hotels, calling farts “heinie burps”, making lists, cold weather, onion rings, wearing t-shirts, innocuous old-fashioned terms of endearment, Predator (the fictional alien hunter, not the drone aircraft), coming up with band names, seltzer water, getting excited/passionate, riding on trains, wordplay, the name “Suzanne”, eating really healthy food in a really messy fashion, running up stairs two-at-a-time, Community, cheap sunglasses, red-haired girls, saving obscene language for particularly meaningful moments, mythology, self-check-out lines at the grocery store, accuracy (in all its forms), the phrase “first world problems”, coloring in coloring books, Daft Punk’s helmets, and Natalie Portman.
Things I dislike: caring about the winners/losers at award shows, vampires and werewolves (not due to fear but because they are thoroughly uninteresting), printers, subscription cards in magazines, talking on the phone, tripping on a pair of shoes, FM radio, those mini-magazines about soap operas at the grocery store checkout line (who reads these? Do they not have message boards in their world?), boxing and mixed martial arts, overuse of the word “amazing”, drunk people speaking to me, self-importance, people injecting effusive praise of their significant other into every possible conversation/status update (shouldn’t it largely go without saying that this person is good to you?), humidity, guys who wear white socks with dress shoes, flaunted ignorance, and Ticketmaster’s “convenience” fees.
Deal with it.